My Weightloss Ticker

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Woo Hoo!

That didn't take very long... I hit 60 this morning. 60.2. :)

So I've lost 15.9% of my weight... and have lost a little more than 25% of what I want to lose. Exciting! It's been a long, hard 7 months... so I hope it doesn't take another 21 months to lose the other 75%. EEK! That's such a long time!!!

We'll see, I guess.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Whoa, Baby...

I call it the Twilight Diet.

56.4 as of this morning... so 5.2 pounds in a week.
even with the holiday.
and only going to the gym once last week (Monday night).

basically, i think its because all i've been eating, drinking, and thinking about for a week is edward cullen.

its been super yummy, too.

i finished all the books. i know i don't usually give out too much personal information on here, but there's a taste for you. ;)

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Just in Case You Don't Come By...

... to see the ticker...

51.2 pounds.

I'm past 50.


Here's some math fun for those of you who think it's fun...

51.2 pounds is 13.55% of my total weight when I started...
51.2 pounds is 21.53% of the total weight I want to lose...

That means I'm almost a quarter of the way there!

Think about some of the things that are 50 pounds... wow!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Almost 20% there

Whew. I finally lost another pound. Life is crazy and I'm not being as diligent with food. I'm still gymming it 4 times a week ... this week will be 3, however, for two friends' birthday party... but when i reach 46.5, that's 20% of the total I need to lose... so I'm almost 20% there.


I don't know why I don't update as much now. I've gotten out of the habit is all... but I'm working! And keeping up with all of you on bloglines!

(p.s. - I cannot wait to try that cheesecake, scale junkie!!~)

Friday, October 17, 2008

I'm in shock...

Considering that the last week included 2 missed workouts and a 4.5 day vacation with my family in the mountains, I'm actually down a little more... wow!

This vacation was so great for me, though. I rested... hot tubbed... hung out with my neices (who are cuter than any other child you've ever seen!)... etc. I hadn't shared with my family, you know, about any of my endeavors because I wanted to see if they would notice. A few comments were made, but bascially, everyone could tell.

Darn right! 43 pounds! (at the time that I went)... so this week, I tried to hit it hard when I was at the gym... I didn't want to get too far behind since I didn't eat that great on vacation (or this whole week after, for that matter... bad planning on my part is to blame) and it's my period week. :(

So anyway - that's my Friday update... how's everyone? I'm keeping up thru Bloglines, you know... sorry I'm not that faithful to comment on your notes!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I cannot believe it!

I'm just so happy... I was getting really discouraged over this past month because of my "food failures" and just not really seeing a lot of change, unless it was in the positive.

So thankful to have hit 40 pounds lost! WOW!

I honestly don't know when I weighed this last... I know sometime in the last 5 years, but still... wow!

Thanks for checking in!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I think it might happen today...

but we'll wait and see!

I finally got off most of that little gain there and have kicked in to gear with food a little better. Sunday (except for a friend's amazing dinner!) and yesterday were good eating days for me - and I feel confident about today's food intake. I made a meal plan for the whole week until Friday and went to the store. The only thing I bought that wasn't on my list was some hard-boiled eggs (and that's just because I forgot to put it on my list). :)

I got up, and prepared my lunch. Much easier than I thought, of course, but I had already showered and weighed in, so I was excited to go make that mamma-jamma salad.

So, 39.2. Please, Please, Please let me hit 40 today!

p.s. - Does anyone know a good recipe for a low-cal/low-fat/something healthier than Pillsbury pie crust?

Friday, September 26, 2008

September has been so crazy!

I am sad to say that I've gained a tiny bit. :o( In the last 2 weeks (one of which was my "time of the month," I've gained 2.6 pound.) BUMMER!

Why is it so hard to stick with it when you're so busy! I've GOT to make eating right a priority! The workouts aren't a problem. I never miss (except one day this week because of work and 1/2 of another day this week because of a class I attended at church) going to the gym and even added a day to my week starting in September.

Honestly, I can say what the trouble is... I've gotten VERY slack in the eating department. I'm not going majorly overboard (eating like I used to), but busyness has kept me from planning well and making good choices.

So, while I was ever so close to the 40 pound loss mark, I haven't made it. Yet.

I will. I know it. I'm not going to stop.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Oh My Gosh Oh My Gosh Oh My Gosh

Since I had that gain over last weekend, I've been trying to watch everyday just to make sure it was coming back off... and it was, little by little, but I wasn't updating the ticker... I knew that I was supposed to officially wait until Sunday. But today is Friday and I'm to my lowest!!!!!!

39.6 pounds lost. I'm over the "need to lose over 200 pounds" hump, too! 198.2 away. Gosh, that seems like so much! And it is... it's more than any of my friends weigh! eek!

Last night, I watched my neice for a couple of hours while her parents went to dinner with a client's family (they are all out of towners and had to meet in to my city for something happening today) and when she got in the car, I was so dumb and said, "hey... do you see how skinny I'm getting?" ha! But guess what she said... "well, i just think you look very beautiful." i almost cried. :) Of course when I brought her home, I made her repeat it to my friend and roommates. haha.

I didn't want to share this with my family yet because we'll be having a short family vacation in just over a month and I wanted to be able to say, "I've lost 50 pounds since the last time you saw me!" When my sister came and picked up my neice last night, though, she said, "Um... so how much weight have you lost?" :) I don't know if she asked because I was still nasty from the gym (ha!) or if she really noticed. I didn't want to find out... so I just said "close to 40 pounds." Little did I know, I really was that close! She smiled big and nodded. Then I said, "Don't tell mom!" happy to start my weekend like this. It's been a suberbly awful week at work!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Monday Check-In

Hi all. Thanks for checking in.

I did have a little bit of a gain this week - 1.2 pounds. :o(
I figured it was coming, though, because I've eaten terribly this week - just not made wise choices, you know?

As far as the working out goes, that's staying steady, strong, and growing in intensity... so I feel proud about that.

I met with my trainer on Monday, last week, on Labor Day - I thought that would be a good day to schedule it so that I wouldn't be temped to sit around the house all day and snack, you know? She gave me an even more intense workout for this month... and I'm "doing it" but I'm not "loving it." It's just hard, that's all... you know?

For example, the very first (of the 7) weight training exercises she's having me do each day (now 4 times a week) is a stairs exercise. It's the set of stairs you use in a step-aerobics class.... 4 stacks high. So I do that, 15 times per leg, twice. That's the first thing I do - so I'm already pouring sweat and out of breath! Each time, already, it's getting "easier," though, so that's good - I just really hate to sweat like that... gross.

Then I do other various things - flat bench press (45 (just the bar) pounds, then 50 pounds), a Romanian dead lift (sort of like a squat with weights), a cross fly exercise, a straight bar over-head bicep press, then a tricep/bicep machine... then comes cardio, of course.

On Saturday (the weather wasn't great around here... Thanks to Hurricaine Hanna), the gym was so empty. I mean, seriously... I think there were 2 people there when my friend and I got there. As the morning went on, a few more sprinkled in, but all-in-all, it was desserted. Anyway, as the mintues went by on my walk on the treadmill (I'm trying to stay around 2.5 as an average speed for the 30 minutes now - still slow, I know - but last year when I was going to the gym (very, very, very rarely)... it was tough for me to stay at at 2 for very long) I decided that I would try to "jog" a little. My friends that go with me are runners, so they do that near me while I walk. I'm not intimidated by that at all... go for it! But since no one was really around to watch my body do that running thing, I thought I would try. I couldn't believe it! I jogged!
I only did two 1-minute intervals, but my 30 minutes were almost done before I decided to do it... so I could maybe have done a couple more. My heart rate got kind of high, but I kept my breathing really slow and stopped to let my heard calm down... and it was SUPER hot in the gym that day... but otherwise, I did it okay.

I couldn't believe it!

Now, normally, the gym is pretty crowded at night when I go... so I don't know how I'll get the nerve to run tonight, but we'll see...

Monday, September 1, 2008

i'm still here

no worries - i'm still hanging on.

i didn't even realize it had been 2 weeks since i had updated the blog until today... when i came to post my recent loss. not very much, but i'm so happy to see 340 on the scale. wow... 37 pounds lost!

it's been a crazy 2 weeks, and my eating hasn't always been the greatest, but i've been steady at the gym, so that's been good.

i go today to meet with my trainer for my monthly training. the last time i met with her (at the end of July), i got a more intense workout, and was quite fearful that i wouldn't be able to do it steadily. i've been suprised at myself, though - so while i am a little intimidated at what she might give me today, i feel sure that i can work toward doing it well.

also this week, i move from going 3 times a week to 4 times a week. i'll go mondays, tuesdays, thursday and saturdays. i hope that give me a little boost so that i can see a 40 pound loss soon. i have about 5 weeks to meet a 50 pound goal i set a while back. i'll be seeing my family for the first time since all this began, and they don't know i'm doing anything for weightloss/change. i really hope they can tell... especially if i get to the point of having a 50 pound loss. i will be so sad if they can't even tell! :o(

well, i'm going to make a grocery list so that i can go to the store after the gym, so i'm off for today... thanks for checking up on me!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

a week gone

today it's been a week since my friend's had a baby... then lost him only moments later.
this was the trial i briefly shared with you in my last post.
continue to remember them in your prayers as they cling to the only true hope - Christ alone.

on the weight front... i'm down another pound.  34.8 is my total as of this morning.
i haven't had the best (not the worst either) week as far as eating goes (mostly because of the hectic week of schedule with the friends i mentioned), and i missed the gym to attend the baby's memorial/worship service (which i'm so thankful what a testimony!) - but was glad to be back in there this morning.  

i stayed steady at 3.0mph on the treadmill for about 90-95% of my 30 minutes (after my hour of weight training) so i was really proud of that.  i burned over 400 calories! (based on what the machine said...) yay!

a friend is in town for the weekend, so the food could potentially be a disaster again... eek!

Monday, August 11, 2008

a little more...

well, i'm down another almost 1/2 pound. 33.8 is my total. i haven't seen the weight 344 in a long time. it's still a bad number, of course but i'm forever to stay under 350. i mean that.

my friends and i are in the midst of some trials right now - as we spend time with friends who are grieving. emotional eating can take over... so while you pray for my friends, pray for me, too.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Over the hump!


I really need to work on my patience.

33.4 pounds!
85 days at the gym, 108 days all together.

This is the most ever! YAY...

update - i just realized that i'm now up to 14% of my goal... and i've lost 8.8 percent of my weight. woo!!!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


i found this picture on google images. it make me nod my head. so, here you go.
i'm back down 31 pounds, which is great, but i'm growing impatient in getting over the 32 pound hump. hopefully by the end of the week, we'll see some change in the numbers. erg!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

This is becoming a big deal to me...

For two weeks now, I've been teetering between the 32 and 29 pound weight loss. TWO WEEKS. I know what you're going to say... believe me.

But really, it would be so great if I could just jump back over that 32 pound total and keep running that number up, you know?

After I got sick, I thought it would take me a few days to get the ice-cream/laying-around-being-pouty weight off, but just about the time that was all coming off, I started my period again. On Sunday, my legs were so tight and swollen. BLEH! I'm still trying to drink water, but it makes me want to dry out! lol.

I got a new "routine" with my trainer last Friday after work, as well... and it's getting more intense. I begin sweating pretty much right away... and she's having me do more things each time, too... plus an extra set. So three sets of 7 exercises before my cardio instead of 2 sets of 4 exercises. WHEW! Monday night I did pretty good, I think... and even increased on one exercise already (not for the full three sets, but I tried to "burn out" on the third set on the "smith machine," not that I even know what "smith machine" means...)

My new routine:

Killer Walk - (three sets of this) - stay in a squatted position, hold a 10-pound medicine ball, and do a side step walk (about 15-17 paces long) and come back. So approx. thirty paces per set.

Balance Lunges - (again, three sets... but mine look a little different for now) - Spread feet apart like scissors - pretty far apart... so that your back foot is only leaning on your toes (like a runner would have his back foot before taking off) Front foot is flat. Now squat. Back straight. Go as far down as possible - with your back knee headed toward the ground. EEK! These really burn... and I have to do 10 on each leg at a time for now. I usually can't get thru the 3 sets. I also have to at least have my hand pressed on a side wall - or I fall over.

Smith Machine - it's basically a bench press. I'm lying back on a bench that is slightly tilted up, not flat. The bar is actually attached to the machine - it's not a free bar that wobbles around. You "unhook" it by twisting and do bench presses. 20 of them. Three sets. Right now I'm doing 10 pound weights (in addition to the weight of the bar). This was the one I "burned out" on last night. My third set was 12.5 pound weights on each side instead of 10. hehe. HEY! Don't laugh.

Straight BiCep Curl - just a short barbell, thirty pounds, bicep curl (with elbows held still pressed into my sides) - twenty of those, three times. Usually, I can do 2.5 times.

Tricep Extension - it's a pull down exercise - 40 pounds - (elbows held still, pressed into my sides) - twenty of those, three times. Usually, I can do 2.5 times.

Row - That's not the full name of it - but I can't remember. I'm seated still on a bench and my legs at straight out on foot pads - knees slightly bent. Back straight. There is a v-grip that I pull toward me. Again, twenty times, three sets. I think I do this one on 60 pounds.

Stability Ball Crunches - This one had to be modified because I'm just not ready to lay down on an exercise ball. What if it bursts? I don't think I could ever open my eyes again. I'd have to just wait until everyone left the gym, then I'd run out to my car and never come back. Seriously. So for now, we do them either on a bench or on the floor. Me? I'm doing them in my room at home. I hate being layed out like that in front of people. 20 of those, three times.

I think that's it. I don't mean like "that's all..." but just that I'm done with the list. :)

Anyway. Whew. Then I do my 30 minutes on the treadmill. I'm up to being able to stay steady pretty much the entire 30 minutes at about a 2.4-2.6 speed. I do the fat burn setting, so it moves me up and down from 3.0 to 5.5 incline for the entire 30 minutes. Hope it's working... and that this weight non-movement is from fat being replaced with muscle.

want to tell me about your gym time?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

another tuesday

well, sadly... another Tuesday weigh-in has come. i must say, i was sure that i had gained several pounds... so it's not the shock of the gain, but I'm sad to be below the 30 pound loss line again.

29.6 pounds lost. still amazing, but anyway....

thanks for your comments on the sugar-free stuff. generally, though, that stuff makes my migraines worse. :( i can do a little Splenda in water with lime sometimes at restaurants, but in general, the fake sweeteners are hard on my head.

I'm feeling better with the cold and such now. still some coughing, but in general, much better.

however, i always have this "morning after the gym" headache. my brother, who is a "sports guy," in many ways, said that it's from not consuming enough water after my workouts. He said, "you need to be drinking water from the time you're done working out in the evening until you go to bed." Being that I'm not a good "drinker" in general (of anything... not just water - I'm sure I'm always dehydrated!), this is difficult... but I do need to be better because I hate having headaches.

anyway - how much water do you consume during the day?

Monday, July 21, 2008

being sick stinks!

last wednesday, after being at work on Monday and Tuesday with a sick co-worker, i spent the day at work with a terrible sore throat. :(
thursday, i was out of work. :( i missed my gym time, too.
friday and saturday were alright... i did go back to the gym on saturday - then was a little sore yesterday from the movements...

but yesterday, i started feeling the sickness more in my chest.

and today, here i am at work - choking with each breath. :(

this is NOT cool for the diet... sitting around, drinking fluids (like juice, too - full of sugar and calories), eating ice cream and popsicles - just not good...


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Another Anniversary

Two months ago last night was when my friends approached me with their concerns and promises to help and love me.

This morning, I was at a weight I haven't seen since... well, I'm not sure (remember what I said about scales and just being "not really sure how much I weigh.")


That's 4 pounds since Friday morning. Wow!

I still keep track of my weight on - although it might be good for me to go back to using that for my food, too. I still keep track of my calories, of course, but sometimes, just on a post-it by my desk. I love post-its. :)

Here's the two month report from FitDay. It shows my beginning weight from what I was on that Wednesday morning, May 14th. All the way down to today... (sometimes there are "drastic" drops because I don't put in my weight every day... just on the days I weigh.)

I honestly don't ever want to go back.

Friday, July 11, 2008

A Classic?

Well, it's not about the book today... it's about MY 80 days and the trip it's been... since I began tracking me weight and making changes. Woo! 28.4 pounds.
I am considering tossing in an extra day at the gym - perhaps going sometimes on Sunday afternoon... just to see what that would do to my weeks of losing weight and gaining tone and better (not round) shape...

When do you all go to the gym? How often? For how long?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Still haven't weighed...

... although it was tempting this morning.

I don't know what it is... I just want to get on that scale so much! I guess I still don't believe this is real.

I made a step toward releasing some of this "baggage," if you will.

Remember I told you that some friends of mine had done a bit of an intervention and got me the gym membership, promised to walk alongside me, go to the gym, etc...?

Well, a couple of days ago, I told them about this blog... and told them how much I weighed. It was a really difficult email for me to write, but I told myself that when I lost 10% of the weight I needed to lose, 23.2 pounds, I would tell them the real deal. Lucky for me, the number jumped to 27.4, so I went on and wrote it.

here's a bit of the message:

here goes nothin'...
I guess it's finally time for me to share with you all some information about the weightloss. As of this morning, I've lost 27.4 pounds, and I'm very happy. I'm not sure how the next months will go, but I really feel successful in this right now - and I'm so thankful for all of your help and support (in so many ways!!). I told myself weeks ago that when I got to a certain point in my weight loss, I was going to share with you all my true weight and the true magitude of the loss that needs to happen. I have never told anyone (outside of the general manager at the gym or at the doctor's offices) what I weigh. Not even my own mother. I always just say, "I'm not really sure."

Until I bought that new scale months ago, that was true - because most scales didn't really tell me - I was even too big for those. I'm still not ready to begin using the scale at the gym or anything, but I know that I could at this point... because I've reached the weight that those scales register.

It's still a lot, but it's going away - and I just don't know that I could let myself turn back at this point.I've also been blogging - since before I ever heard from you all about your plan to love and support me. I found an online group of people back in April when I was starting to make some small changes on my own and I clung to their stories about loss and struggles.

They are all over the world - and I want to share that the "power" to do these things isn't in me... it's not of me, rather - it's Jesus. They are all really encouraging with their blogging comments and are faithful to read my blog and check up on me.

I think I just really appreciate their role in this because they know what it's like to be this big. They know what it's like to fear food, yet love it so intensely at the same time. So, here goes... I'm sharing my blog with you ... as well as the numbers. I'm not sure why this feels like a step toward "healing," but it does.

So here it is.

My blog -

Starting weight (on April 21st) - 377.8
Weight Today (77 days later) - 350.4
Total Loss - 27.4 pounds
Percent of Body Weight Lost - 7.25 percent
Weight Still to lose - 210.4

So, you see - I still have a lot to go. I had to lose almost TWO PEOPLE to get down to being a normal person weight. This is the magnitude I live with every day. This is why every single morsel is a decision for me... every restaurant... every family meal... every moment. I don't want it to be control me or be my master, but this is why this is HUGE for me to decide to do every single day.

They were all really encouraging, to say the least... very, very precious friends.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Well, I made it until Sunday...

...without getting back on the scale. I had a friend in town, though, and I really wanted to know if there had been any progress since the week-o-nothing.

I'm thankful to have seen a loss!

Another fun thing - we went shopping and I tried on a pair of pants that were a size smaller. They were even loose.. as in, I probably could have gone down even another size!
I bought them anyway, though, because I don't want to squeeze into anything, and you never know what washing and drying clothes will do, you know?!

I was so happy - I was screaming in the dressing room!! :)

So, I've passed the 10% mark - so great!

Gym again tonight.

(I'm just so glad that there was a loss, because for two days, even though I tried to be more careful than I would have in my past life, I still ate fun food for the weekend of the 4th~)

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

I waited a whole week...

... and nothing.

no gain.
no loss.

:( I'm both settled and disappointed with this. Of course disappointed because I like seeing those numbers go down, down, down... but settled in that this time last month, I had gained a few pounds. Precious, precious time of the month.

So.. hopefully I can have self control and wait until next week again to weigh.

Tomorrow I get to have another day of exercise for the week. I'm going with some friends to a home about an hour away to play outside and in the pool all day. While I'm not super excited about ANOTHER summer fully dressed in the pool, I am happy to be in the water and swimming swimming swimming all day. Good thing it burns a lot of calories!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I promise

not to weigh again until July 1st.

this is getting ridiculous. i avoided the scale this morning, but it's just so tempting to get up, go to the bathroom, get on the scale.

so, for now, i'll be happy with my 22.4 then wait to see what happens over the next week (and three workouts).

thanks for your encouragement, folks!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

My night with the trainer...

... was fun!

It was harder work than I've been doing. We only came up with one day's workout. (Last month, she gave me two to rotate between.) She told me to throw this one in the mix, doing it twice a week at least until I get it down pat. We are doing some medicine ball exercises - which are harder than they look!

She also put me on a flex, band machine. Its my toughest, I think. And we added a core exercise - which I'm really happy about.

And yes, today, I'm a little sore... finally! So far, I'm not regretting my wishes yet!

And I'm just dropping pounds like crazy these past several days. I'm gearing up for another "time of the month" next week, though - not looking forward to the water gain that might come again with that!

Monday, June 23, 2008


... they are always a little scary.

But this one wasn't so bad. I did eat more "purchased" food than I did during the week, but I still had some loss.

This morning... I'm down 21 pounds! WOW!
Almost to the 10% mark.
It's been 63 days since I started trying to make changes... and 5 full weeks at the gym.

Today starts my 6th week of workouts... and I meet again with the trainer tonight. I'm a little nervous about what she's going to have me do... but I know it will be good... and I'll probably get my wish of having some soreness. I haven't been sore since the first week from any workouts I've done. I've even worked up and increased my weights on all but two weight training exercises... still no soreness! I see the results, of course, but I guess it feels like I should be walking around the next day grunting.
What's wrong with me?! :)

More tomorrow... I'll probably be sore and hate it!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I've been quiet...

...but I've still been working.

Still going to the gym 3 times a week - still eating (as close as I can get without feeling like I'm eating when I'm not hungry at all) around 1900 calories a day...

When I got my gym membership, it came with some free sessions with a Doctor who's office is in the gym. It's a chiropractic/massage/nutrition place. Fun, huh?

So I got some free x-rays of my neck, since I shared with her that I've had migraines since I was in the 6th grade, had a full body composition, and got a free (my first one ever) neck and shoulder massage - for about 20 minutes, too!

I was a little sore for a couple of days after the massage, but I was quiet as a mouse while he worked on me... I didn't want to be wimpy. The body comp told me my body fat percentage (it's high, but I had lost some since I started the gym!!) as well as my metabolic rate. Apparently, my metabolism is really high, per the doctor. My body on a normal day doing nothing burns around 2300 calories a day. Sounds great, right? She said a lot of people register around 12-1300, so it's harder to lose the weight.

I was able to lose the weight back off that I had gained during my period and over that "weekend-o-desserts," but then I hit some kind of holding pattern. It was really frustrating, and I know it's normal... but for about 5-7 days, I was gaining .5, losing .5, gaining a pound, losing .8, back and forth. Finally, today I reached a new loss... so I'm down 18.8 pounds. It's been 59 days since I started making changes... and after Saturday's work out, I'll have been doing the gym for 5 weeks (three times a week). So... I guess that's pretty good.

Of course I'd like to think that I'm just going to melt away... but I know a good thing takes time.

Remind me of that when the wait only drips aways instead of pouring off... :)


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Now that's a little better...

I knew I had some water gain over the weekend, so I just went on to the gym and tried to trudge on through, not thinking that it wasn't working or that it was useless to even go.

My friend was with me, and she actually asked me what my new loss amount was - and I told her that I had gained a little because of the water and the bad eating (I had dessert, or some kind of sweets, every day from Wednesday - Saturday.)

I'm encouraged that it's coming back off so fast - what a relief!

As long as I'm back to what I was last Wednesday by tomorrow, I think I'll feel okay - or at least if I'm close... I think that was 359.4, so that means 2 more pounds. Now that I think about it, that might not happen in 24 hours, but I can see what I can do... :)

Thanks for encouraging me. I really love reading all your blogs, too! I forget to go on in and comment - since I use Bloglines, I get to read the posts all on one page... but forget that I need to let you know how you're encouraging me. I'll do a better job!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Loser is relative

because today i really feel like one...

i had a major gain!

i know what's going on, but still... it's super annoying!!!

my cycle (sorry for men who read this) brought me water gain as well as some super strong cravings for sweets/chocolate over the last few days. i feel strong again today to fight them, but i'm just so mad... :(

Thursday, May 29, 2008

can this be real?


is the scale right?

i weighed three times this morning to be sure. can you lose 2.2 pounds in 2 days?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Weekend

Well, I did see some loss this weekend - a tiny bit... and I'm over the first 10 pounds - which is just amazing to me... 10.8 pounds! WOW!
Granted, that's in the last 5 weeks, so it's not TOO amazing... but I'm progressing.

I was concerned that I might not have any loss... a long weekend - off work - home alone... a disaster waiting to happen, right?

Saturday was tougher than Monday with being alone. I had gone the the gym with my friend first thing on Saturday morning, and it was a great workout... but I was a hungry beast all day! I was so bummed out because I just wanted to eat all day! I made a couple of bad choices...(namely, a rice krispy treat and 2 cookies in the afternoon (not all together)), and I even had three pieces of dark Dove chocolate in the evening... ugh!

On Sunday, a few of us went to eat Mexican food. We go to this place often and I am NOTORIOUS for getting an extra side of sour cream. This time, no extra, and I only dabbed at what came on the plate... but I hadn't eaten greasy food like that in a while and I paid for it the rest of the afternoon/evening. I felt like I had a knot in my stomach... and that it remained full for the whole night.

I ended up getting to sleep in on Monday because it turns out no one could go with me to the gym - so I slept some. I never get to sleep in! I got up, still no food since about 7 p.m. on Sunday, around 10:15 and ate a string cheese stick. Dairy before the gym? DOH!

I headed off on my lone trip and got there around 11. I did my workout, though - minus a few minutes of the cardio. I normally do that on the treadmill because its comfortable, but I did try a few minutes on the eliptical. They said it would be better for my bum knee, but I thought it hurt! And the workout was much more intense than the treadmill, so that paired with some extra weights I did on my weight training made me feel okay about the few minutes I took off the final cardio.

I went on from there to the grocery store to get a few things so that I could make some low-fat crockpot meals for the week. I ended up only making one, but I'm excited to try it tonight... Italian pork chops with wheat spaghetti and green beans. Hope it's good!

I ended up not having anything to eat really until about 1:30 or 2 that day. I had the cheese stick, yes, but only water.... I just still wasn't hungry. That Mexican did me in.

We had a yummy dinner with our best friends (a couple, who just got to move in next door!) of grilled chicken, potato salad and boiled corn on the cob.... yum! I had about 1400 calories to spare, so I felt okay - but I didn't over do it.

Then, here I am. 367. 10.8 pounds less than when I decided it was official... I am going to be a bigger loser!


Saturday, May 24, 2008

Saturday's Through...

Well, a friend (her first time on the rotation) and I went this morning to the gym.

We had a good time and got to talk, so that's cool.

I'm glad it's done for a couple of days...


Friday, May 23, 2008

Friday before a long weekend...

i'm so thankful to have a long weekend. i hope all of you are off work - but if not, i'm sorry... if you're in a service job, thanks for working!

Cammy is right. The Nutz Over Chocolate Luna Bar was great! It's a tight race between it and the Chocolate Peppermint Stick. at least for now, those are the 2 i'll stick with. a friend suggested I get the Dulce de Leche one as well... no worries, if i see it in the store, i'll pick it up.

I am going to the gym tomorrow morning before work (I work a 2nd job for my church) with a new friend in the rotation. She's a few months pregnant, so I'll be sure to help her not to overdo it in helping me. Should be fun, though.

Monday will be interesting. I'm off work all day. My roommates will both be gone. I AM going to the gym - hopefully in the morning - just to go ahead and get it done... but it's possible that will be a loner workout.

I also plan to rest on Monday - do a few things around the house and such - but I'm really hoping I don't have any major temptations with food... I need to plan well and go to the store... and stick to it!

I'll let you know how it goes.

p.s. - i updated the ticker again. woot!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

It's BACK.

earlier this week, i had a visit... from that guy up there

thankfully, because of some internet searches and my friend again, i found a few options. so far, my favorite pick are Luna Bars.

They have several great flavors. I've had two now (not today)... Chocolate Peppermint Stick and Caramel Chocolate Brownie. The peppermint one was better to me... but the brownie one was a little more of a dark chocolate flavor if you prefer that.

The only other one I have purchased is the Nuts over Chocolate. Let's hope I can make it to the weekend before I eat it... :)

Any other good suggestions?
and don't tell me what one lady said online (not to me, but on a blackboard page i found)...
"Just buy the chocolate bar you really want and only eat a bite or two of it."

are you kidding me?

Wakey, Wakey - Eggs and Bac-ey

It's Bac-ey instead of bakey... because it refers to bacon.

I don't even like bacon...

Anyway, today I needed to do a morning time for the gym because of my busy evening schedule. Last night was the American Idol finale and my roommates and friends were watching it together on DVR, so we ended up not getting done until around 11:15 or so. I was nervous and intimidated because I knew for sure that I would so tired in the morning and tempted not to get up. My roommate was to go with me - she's a great servant.

Anyway - as we finally both were running for our beds, I decided that there wasn't anything I could do... I had to just get to sleep as soon as possible so that I could do it. I had to do it.

I'm fairly sure that I woke up almost every hour... I was nervous that I'd not be able to get up, I suppose. Who knows?! We had to leave by 5:45 because I knew that the routine would take about an hour, give or take, and in order to be at work on time, I need to be back home shortly after 7 to shower and get ready... to be at work by 8.

My alarm went off around 5:30 and I jumped up. I honestly felt like I had never been asleep... I wasn't tired as if I had been up all night, but I wasn't groggy at all... so weird! I got ready and met my roommate in the kitchen to leave. Neither of us were talking, really.

We ended up leaving a little bit later, I guess, or maybe just getting up stairs and getting ready to begin warm-up took longer than expected. So, we were off. 5 minutes on the treadmill to warm up and then my 2nd routine of weight training set by my trainer. This one, in general, was a little easier for me. I do have one exercise with dumb bells (yes, only 5 pound weights) that kicks my BUTT - well, kicks my ARMS - but we did the training and replenished our water. We were running late because we had a little trouble finding one machine that we needed and then we couldn't find 4 5lb. weights so that she could do them at the same time as me... so we only got to do 20 of the 30 cardio minutes. We have a few machine pieces here at work, so this afternoon, I'm going to go do the other 10 on the eliptical if I can.

I do feel great. In several ways... yes, better in general because of my increase in water (from NONE... literally, I've been weeks before without water to several Nalgene fulls a day) and my movement... but also just feeling so great that the gym is over for the day!

Let's hope the afternoon doesn't bring this:

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


i feel so sick right now!
i just don't have good knowledge about foods... well, that's not true - i have knowledge - and I have even more information right at my fingertips anytime i need it... or want it...

so i went to get a salad at applebees today - i've been craving this one for about a week now... and when the craving never went away, i decided to go ahead and get it - knowing that at least it was a salad and that if i didn't satisfy the craving somehow, i'd end up binging.

so i ate the whole thing. it was so good... then i come back to the office to record it (i'm supposed to submit food logs to my trainer for her to help assess my nutritional plan) and i looked it up online for info. 47 grams of fat. 672 calories. a dang salad! i am so frustrated!
dressing and condiments are a killer for me... i love them.
i'm not a fan of anything vinegrette based, so that's out for me... and ff dressings are just crap, usually! anyone have any options for those?

then... an hour after i've eaten... it hits me. it hasn't happened in over a week.

the chocolate monster came.

and i ate hershey's kisses with almonds.


now i'll be dining on carrots only for dinner.

i'm so mad at myself!

Crying With No Tears

So... last night was the first time I did a full set laid out for my by my trainer. My friends are doing a rotation so that someone goes with me everytime I need to go to the gym. You might notice that I didn't say "want" to go to the gym. Some days I'm there... some days I'm not.

So we met at the gym after work and I went upstairs to get started. I changed - praying the whole time - I know that God will do this! He will sustain me!

We went over to the offices to get my training folder and we began. Right away I had to really fight to be excited and just do the exercise. My friend was super excited to start and was doing some "trainer talk" that I needed to get used to. I tried not to seem annoyed... and honestly, I really wasn't annoyed... I think I was just feeling embarrased or something - so strange.

Anyway, we did 4 weight exercises that were planned for me... squats with an exercise ball (the ball is between me and a wall); a rowing exercise, a shoulder press, and one more... I can't remember the names yet. I'll take some photos one day and show you exactly the exercise I do. Sorry, none of me just yet.

The trainer set up 2 weight exercise groups for me to rotate, so I'll do the next one on Thursday morning.

Then came the cardio. There are two that I'm supposed to rotate - but do one twice per week and the other once per week - because it feels more intense... that's not the one I picked to do last night. :o)

The two to rotate on the treadmill:
30 minutes keeping my heart rate steady (at the 70% thing... 220-your age x 70%) so that I can have a conversation the whole time... make sense?

the other:
2-3 minutes of the 70% thing - then 1 minute of "go like hell." then again. until my 30 minutes are up. The trainer actually wrote "go like hell" on my paper. That was funny.
It won't be funny on Thursday morning, I can assure you - I'm afraid! She said, "I want you for that minute to only be able to give one word answers." Then I'll spend my next 2-3 minutes calming down and getting ready for the next time the 1 minute comes.

So - my friend had to leave about 15 minutes into my 30 minute cardio. I told her I would be fine and that I'd swear on the Bible that I had completed the work if she wanted me to! I meant it... she just said, "it's only yourself that you'll be cheating if you don't do it."

I kept using my mp3 player and trudged on. I tried to stay up in speed as much as I could. Once in a while, I would take 30 seconds or so to go slower and breathe a little. :o)

I got to the last 4-5 minutes and knew that this is when I really needed to have my theme song. I've had one in mind for a few days now, and I'm mostly settled on it... but until I'm sure, I'll keep that a secret. Just know, it was really helpful for me last night and it got me thru the end of the 30 minutes. They ended almost simultaneously. So cool.

So, today I'm a bit sore - especially my right arm - its the one I had the most trouble with during exercises... my left arm was pushing thru the machines and doing fine but my right arm would be shaky and less strong... so maybe that's why it hurts more... :o)

I'm thankful for all of your support! The comments are such a treat! I have them forwarded to my work email, so when they come it, I jump a little in my seat, anxious to see what you'll say...

More later!

OH! Wait! I almost forgot to tell you why I named this post what I did...
When I got back in the car, I burst out crying. That was the hardest I had ever worked out - probably ever. Seriously. And I needed to cry - and I tried. But no tears came out. It was almost comical except I really needed to cry! Maybe soon...

Monday, May 19, 2008

Full Write Up

I'm working on a full write up of the past week's events - they've been amazing.

To brief you, until I get it written up well:
~on Wednesday night, my friend shared with me her concern of my weight and said that she and 3 of my other friends had gone in together and gotten me a year's membership to a gym
~on Thursday, I met with the general manager to go over a lot of stuff and my friends also got me a year of personal training - once per month
~i went to the gym on Saturday to meet with the trainer and got my plan set up then just did some treadmill work

i go tonight to do my first planned gym workout. my friends are rotating so that one of them will be with me everytime i go to the gym.

there's so much more to fill in, but i just wanted to update briefly and share my updated success... check the ticker!


Thursday, May 15, 2008

I guess I was off yesterday...

otherwise today's weight would be weird... i knew it felt odd yesterday... but this morning, i stook there as still as possible... and even went back later to try again.

yep. a loss. the biggest loss yet.

i'm down 7.4 pounds in the last 3.5 weeks.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Theme Song?

I'm thinking about having a theme song... something that will inspire me - knowing that these changes are slow and painful. Have any thoughts?

I think my friends are close by - and I'm so thankful for the comments I've received on here... but I really do feel alone.

I don't know anyone (well, I do, but they aren't close to me, really) who's as big as I am. How can anyone know what this is like? Sometimes I weep - Sometimes I am angered at the burden and want to fight hard...

I'm still here - it's been an off week for me since I last posted. Again - pray!
I'll update my ticker based on my weight this morning. You'll see a change. But not for the better.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


I've added a ticker.

I do weigh almost every day, and I know that people say not to do that... but when you have over 200 pounds to lose, those tiny miracles (like .5 here, .7 there) are what gets me motivated for the morning to make that day different!

I won't update the ticker every day... probably more like once per week. We'll see.

But, yes, you've read it correctly - 5.8 pounds lost... only 232 more to go.

It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? I need to lose a whole overweight person just to be at a normal weight for my height.

My goal? 140 lbs.

well... i'm on my way

for two weeks, i've only done one simple thing...

I've tracked my food!

I know it sounds silly to those of you out there searching for what to do about your massive amount of weight to lose. I feel your pain. Literal pain, believe me. I'll get to my thoughts on that later on in another journal post.

For now, you should know that Fit Day has helped me so much. It's an online tracking system for weightloss, activity/movement, and food journal. It tallys up calories, fat grams, vitamin intake, carbs, the works! It shows you the percentage of your food that goes to fat, protein and carbs in a handy pie chart. Yum. Pie.

It has honestly helped me to eat less... because the more I see those numbers rising, the sicker I feel about the food I'm swallowing! I do not want to develop some unhealty hatred toward food, for it is not the cause of my state... its my heart. My inner person. I have done this to myself and I'm ready to change.

So, be on the look out for change - no pictures just yet.
Watch my tickers and postings.

I will lose this burden. This painful, disgusting burden.