... although it was tempting this morning.
I don't know what it is... I just want to get on that scale so much! I guess I still don't believe this is real.
I made a step toward releasing some of this "baggage," if you will.
Remember I told you that some friends of mine had done a bit of an intervention and got me the gym membership, promised to walk alongside me, go to the gym, etc...?
Well, a couple of days ago, I told them about this blog... and told them how much I weighed. It was a really difficult email for me to write, but I told myself that when I lost 10% of the weight I needed to lose, 23.2 pounds, I would tell them the real deal. Lucky for me, the number jumped to 27.4, so I went on and wrote it.
here's a bit of the message:
here goes nothin'...
I guess it's finally time for me to share with you all some information about the weightloss. As of this morning, I've lost 27.4 pounds, and I'm very happy. I'm not sure how the next months will go, but I really feel successful in this right now - and I'm so thankful for all of your help and support (in so many ways!!). I told myself weeks ago that when I got to a certain point in my weight loss, I was going to share with you all my true weight and the true magitude of the loss that needs to happen. I have never told anyone (outside of the general manager at the gym or at the doctor's offices) what I weigh. Not even my own mother. I always just say, "I'm not really sure."
Until I bought that new scale months ago, that was true - because most scales didn't really tell me - I was even too big for those. I'm still not ready to begin using the scale at the gym or anything, but I know that I could at this point... because I've reached the weight that those scales register.
It's still a lot, but it's going away - and I just don't know that I could let myself turn back at this point.I've also been blogging - since before I ever heard from you all about your plan to love and support me. I found an online group of people back in April when I was starting to make some small changes on my own and I clung to their stories about loss and struggles.
They are all over the world - and I want to share that the "power" to do these things isn't in me... it's not of me, rather - it's Jesus. They are all really encouraging with their blogging comments and are faithful to read my blog and check up on me.
I think I just really appreciate their role in this because they know what it's like to be this big. They know what it's like to fear food, yet love it so intensely at the same time. So, here goes... I'm sharing my blog with you ... as well as the numbers. I'm not sure why this feels like a step toward "healing," but it does.
So here it is.
My blog - iamabiggerloser.blogspot.com
Starting weight (on April 21st) - 377.8
Weight Today (77 days later) - 350.4
Total Loss - 27.4 pounds
Percent of Body Weight Lost - 7.25 percent
Weight Still to lose - 210.4
So, you see - I still have a lot to go. I had to lose almost TWO PEOPLE to get down to being a normal person weight. This is the magnitude I live with every day. This is why every single morsel is a decision for me... every restaurant... every family meal... every moment. I don't want it to be control me or be my master, but this is why this is HUGE for me to decide to do every single day.
They were all really encouraging, to say the least... very, very precious friends.