I don't need to wear a bikini, I just don't want to wear a tee shirt...

I said that to my roommate last night when she asked me about my goal weight.

We discussed our goal weights a little, and part of my explanation about what I wanted my body to look like included that phrase. Now I can't get it out of my head.

I don't want to be so nonchalant about this. I also don't want to have rose-colored glasses on, either.

I am extremely overweight. I have a LOT of weight to lose.

I'm in my thirties now, so I know it's even more difficult to lose and keep it off.

Where do you all stand in a discussion like this? Are you fighting for the "dream body," or are you just working to get there as best as you can? What works best for you?

Early Thanksgiving

Well, one week later, finally over "the monthly visitor," and early Thanksgiving dinner with my family taken care of, I'm down 2 pounds. Sounds pretty odd, if you ask me, but I think it's 2 things - increase in water drinking (which means I'm drinking less of other crap), and no more "visitor." I always gain that week... so 2 pounds down. I'll take it.

This week is busy for me with work and some things afterward, but I hope to at least go to the gym a couple of times.

Thanks for stopping by!

Sigh...

It's been over a year since I posted here. I'm sure you know what that means, right?

I was looking back through my notes on my iPod touch (now on my iPhone since I made that switch). It's the place I had started keeping track of my gym trips. Miles walked, bike miles ridden, weights lifted, etc. The lists are slim.

I have really been trying to think about what changed.. why I stopped. What made me lose motivation in this journey.

I wrote here last August and explained a little about the changes I was going through. I also said I would explain later... I never did that, did I?

Gym
When we returned from our cruise, my roommate and I had texts from our trainer. Basically, she dropped the bomb on us. "The gym is closing down. Come by." What?! Just a month earlier, we had both resigned for two more years at an incredible rate! Long story short, the gym went under and they transferred us to another gym in the area. It is a couple more miles away, and very nice and shiny. Going in there with other members from our gym was kind of strange. We made jokes with one another about being the kids who get moved from the ghetto school over to the city school where they get new text books every year. It was a very different environment.

That of course meant that I was losing my trainer as well. She wasn't going to be coming to the new gym. I hadn't started a new contract with her, but had seen such great results that I was planning to ask her to train me for another year. The new gym offered those services as well, but of course at about 10x the price. I'm not joking. I waited a couple of months and decided that I needed the help, so I paid for a month of training. 30 minutes a week, for a month. It cost me almost the same amount as my RENT! I just figured it was a good investment and knew that this was something I needed. I didn't lose a pound that whole month. I felt like I was going to vomit every time we worked out, and didn't enjoy it nearly as much as I had with my first trainer at the other gym. Everything just felt different, and I couldn't get back into any kind of routine. I was falling out of the habit very quickly.

Of course, then the holidays came, winter blues, weight started to come back, and I was in denial. For months, I think. I was going to the gym sporadically, at best. My migraines were coming back more often and more intense, my sleep was becoming erratic again, and I was watching my body change all over again.. for the worse.

The summer was no better. I wasn't really motivated by anything in this part of my life.. or anywhere, really. I just felt like I was "getting by" all around. Food, working out, my job, friends. I don't really know if I was depressed. I wasn't sad about anything, but I just wasn't "excited." About anything, really. I enjoyed being lazy.

Then the fall came. I fell and broke my ankle and didn't go to the gym for another 4 weeks. I also went on vacation during that. It was very needed. Mentally and physically, it did a lot for me.

I started trying to have more a routine now that I'm back, but I can see that the choices I make are ALL important. Every day, all day long. This means with food, my time, my schedule, rest.. everything! It all matters and comes together for my good.

So, here I am. I've gained weight back (not all 80 pounds), but I'm back in a place that I thought I'd never be... and I hate it. And I don't want to be here.

So.. welcome back! I hope you're all still here... I'm going to need you!

Has it really been this long since I blogged?

I'm so sorry! And sad!

I bet you all thing that I fell off the wagon... or that I've gained all my weight back... or that I gave up in general.

It's not true!!!!

I am still here! I'm still trying! EEEEE!

SORRY!

Are you all gone? Did you all leave my blog forever?!

The funny thing is that I'm basically the EXACT weight as my last blog! Wow.

Sadly, since May, I have had some major fluctuations. I decided shortly after that post (did I already mention this?) that I would do Phase I of South Beach with a couple of other friends to see if that would give my metabolism a kick start. Boy, did it ever!

I lost 11.2 pounds in two weeks! After that was over, I tried to ease into Phase II... that was bad news. I fell really quickly. Not majorly... but I did gain part of the weight back. Then, right after that... I went on my Thirty, Flirty and Thriving Thirtieth Birthday Cruise. :)

That was THE MOST AMAZING vacation that there ever has been! If you haven't been on a cruise, please treat yourself. It's really not that expensive, especially since every thing is included... it was a real treat, and I don't think I've been that relaxed in a really long time.

Of course... I ate. A lot. And rum isn't calorie free! WHO KNEW?!

So, with all of that, a change in gyms (that's another story!), a change in trainers, and taking about 6 weeks to get over the fact that I wasn't on the cruise anymore... here I am... back to about the same weight that I left you at.

I will update my ticker right now.

I'm going to the beach with my family for a few days starting on Saturday. That will be a lot of great exercise and rest... and I plan to spend some serious time with God planning the next steps of my journey... So, come along... stay with me. I need your help!


Here are a few pictures from the cruise... enjoy.

the food was SO GOOD! this was the lobster bisque.

The day of my 30th birthday, we were on the private island all day. SO RELAXING!!

The second day of the trip, we spent some time at Atlantis in Nassau... it was very beautiful. This is a portion of the aquarium.

My sweet Edward... saying goodbye to Miami with me.

It's been a year...

Boy has it ever!

I'm sorry I've slacked off in my blogging. Life is crazy busy for me, as always... and now I'm addicted to Twitter (true story), so I feel like I'm never doing anything else during my down time. I've even neglected the television for weeks... I have SO many shows to catch up on. I guess I'll do that the next time our internet goes down or something. Ha.

Anyway, I plan to really formulate some thoughts and think thru this last year of my life and blog a bit about it...

Most recently, my roommate and another friend and I started South Beach. We decided we needed a little pick-me-up in our routines and "suffering" through an almost three-month plateau, then another month of barely seeing results, pushed me over the edge into doing it.

Today starts the second week for us, and we've all seen great results! I lost 6 pounds in week one! :) That's DEFINITELY a boost!

So, here I sit... one year later... and while I'm sad I'm not in the 200's yet... at least I only have one pound to go...

As of today, my total loss has been 76.8 pounds. I'm 301. I can't wait for more!

Thanks for reading... if any of you are still here! :)

A headstart??

Well, I've done a little better with food over the last couple of weeks. I had a weekend away with some friends for a retreat, so that was nice... but we had a lot of good food and chocolate!

I was sick some as well, so perhaps it won't stick... but 64.4 as of this morning ... hopefully I'll see 70 (or 78, so that I can be at 299!) before too long!

Keep trucking along with me... is anyone still out there?! All comments welcome!

Here's to February

So January ended up not being a great month for me. I made it thru the holidays just fine, but January hit... the winter!

I ate horribly all month, I had a knee injury, I missed the gym for lots of various reasons (some valid, some not), I don't think I went on Saturdays at ALL... and generally, just a plateau in many areas.

So, I saw some gain and got back up to 320! EEK! I'm back now... and its coming back down again. As of today, 59.8... I'm ready to be back in the 60's!

Thanks for checking in... I miss the encouragement from you guys! :)

Woo Hoo!

That didn't take very long... I hit 60 this morning. 60.2. :)

So I've lost 15.9% of my weight... and have lost a little more than 25% of what I want to lose. Exciting! It's been a long, hard 7 months... so I hope it doesn't take another 21 months to lose the other 75%. EEK! That's such a long time!!!

We'll see, I guess.

Whoa, Baby...

I call it the Twilight Diet.



56.4 as of this morning... so 5.2 pounds in a week.
even with the holiday.
and only going to the gym once last week (Monday night).



basically, i think its because all i've been eating, drinking, and thinking about for a week is edward cullen.

its been super yummy, too.

i finished all the books. i know i don't usually give out too much personal information on here, but there's a taste for you. ;)

Just in Case You Don't Come By...

... to see the ticker...

51.2 pounds.

I'm past 50.

WOW!

Here's some math fun for those of you who think it's fun...

51.2 pounds is 13.55% of my total weight when I started...
51.2 pounds is 21.53% of the total weight I want to lose...

That means I'm almost a quarter of the way there!

Think about some of the things that are 50 pounds... wow!